I’m so tired of this. I HATE being this way – feeling fat, looking fat, working so hard for nothing; thinking about it all the time. the other day at the gym, I got 2 sympathy looks. This isn’t the first time that I’ve got this look, even at the gym, but it for some reason it really hurt this time. You know the look – the one that says “Oh poor thing – look at her working out.” It’s embarrassing being the fattest person at the gym. I want to work harder when I’m there and try things but I’m embarrassed of how I’ll look when I do. If I try running on the treadmill, will I look stupid? What if I’m lifting weights and they get too heavy and drop them or something? What if I fall walking across the gym – again? What if I get stuck under a machine while trying to adjust the height on it? Will someone be there to rescue me this time? My heart hurts thinking about being like this for the rest of my life. I don’t want to spend my life fat and worrying about it, thinking about it, dreaming about one day not being fat anymore.
I don’t want to be like this for the rest of my life – fat and unable to do things I want do. Will I ever be at goal? I can’t even imagine what I’ll look like at goal, what it’ll feel like. How do I even know what’s a good goal weight to shoot for?
My prayer today is that I make the right choices and do the right things to achieve this.
I don’t want to be like this for the rest of my life – fat and unable to do things I want do. Will I ever be at goal? I can’t even imagine what I’ll look like at goal, what it’ll feel like. How do I even know what’s a good goal weight to shoot for?
My prayer today is that I make the right choices and do the right things to achieve this.
2 comments:
heather, i know how hard you're fighting for this- and i am standing behind you all the way. BUT, just don't forget that He made you BEAUTIFUL just the way you are in the meantime. i know that your diligence and persistence will pay off and you will reach that goal... but on your journey there don't you ever lose sight of who you really are- and how beautiful that girl really is.
Tori is right. You are beautiful, inside and out. I'd like to punch those two people who gave you sympathy looks (that's the sister in me coming out). Do they even know how far you have come, or that you are the sweetest woman who ever walked this earth, or that you would give your time for anyone who needed you. Do they even know how big your heart it, and how much love every person who knows you feels coming from your sweet, quiet spririt? No, they dont, and so they can keep on looking, with sympathy, and be sorry that they arent your friend, or your sister, or your family member. I love you Heather, just the way you are, and so does He.
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