The Scale...

Last night at the beginning of my training, I got on the scale. I don’t exactly love getting on the scale… hate it would be a better description about how I feel about it. But last night I was so excited about the lower weight shown on the scale that I could have screamed with delight or hugged somebody or something. I was just excited!!! It’s much better feeling than the yo-yo feeling that I have had lately. I’ll reach the weight I’m out now – the lowest I’ve been at the gym – and then gain a few pounds. I’ll get upset with myself and lose those few pounds till I hit my low again – only to gain those pesky pounds back again. And it also feels so much better than getting on and seeing that the weight has gone up... again! So of course now I’m back again at that low weight, I’m determined to work really hard and get past it. It’s an awful feeling to get here only to lose ground – and I don’t want that to happen again. With everything that I’ve got in me, I’m going to work at keep that from happening again. It's great seeing the hard work pay off...

Excited!!!

My latest round of workouts have been hard... very hard! The point of these workouts is to go till I can't go anymore, or I fail at doing what I'm trying to do. The point of this is to prove to myself that I can things I didn't think I could do. And it's working! One day last week, I did 66 sit ups! I just kept sitting up till I couldn't any more. And then I couldn't quit grinning from ear to ear cause I was so excited. By the time I left the gym a few minutes later, I was sore from the sit ups and the rest of the workout and my face sore from smiling so big. WooHoo!!!

Thankful to Still Believe

Believing in myself and knowing that I can do this seems to be a recurring theme for me. I know that it’s possible to lose this weight and I know deep down in me that I can do it. I mean, there are lots of other people who have done this. I should be able to also, right? But then I get overwhelmed and starting doubting. When I look at the big picture, it seems so frightening. Sometimes I feel so full of doubt, questioning if I’ll ever reach my goals. Will I reach my smaller goals along the way? And even bigger than that, will I reach the ultimate goal of losing this weight and keeping it off?

A few days ago I was talking with someone who’s on the other side of this – someone who’s already lost the weight and kept it off. I was crying – again! – and feeling so discouraged. As I sat there listening to this person talk, they person spoke about how I CAN do this and how much they believe in me.

I’m so thankful to have people who believe in me and are rooting me on. Chances are if you’re reading this, you are one of those people. Thank you!

Courage to Start

The miracle isn’t that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start.
John Bingham, running speaker and writer

I ran this weekend! I don’t know how far I went or how long I ran for. It felt like I ran for forever even though it was probably only for a couple of minutes. I was breathing so hard that I was wondering how long it would take me to recover. Whatever the distance or time elapsed was, I know this – it’s the farthest and longest I’ve run in a long time. I don’t even know when the last time was I ran; maybe in grade school or junior high?

Since I joined the gym, I’ve been so afraid of running. Can I run? I know I can’t run fast so is it even worth it? What will I look like when I’m running? I know I’m going to look awful and it’s going to be embarrassing – I hope people won’t be staring at me while I run. The one thing I hate about the gym is the mirrors everywhere. The last thing I want to see is how bad I look while I’m working out. Well, the good news is that the gym was very empty of people when I ran and I ran in the Group X room (where the classes are, except there wasn’t a class going on at the time) and Jeremy and I were the only ones in the Group X room. So the few people who were at the gym were probably not even paying any attention to me. J And even though I didn’t look in the mirrors to see what I looked like while I was running, I know it wasn’t a pretty sight. But I do know this…

…I RAN!

Committed To Reaching My Goals

I’m so tired of this. I HATE being this way – feeling fat, looking fat, working so hard for nothing; thinking about it all the time. the other day at the gym, I got 2 sympathy looks. This isn’t the first time that I’ve got this look, even at the gym, but it for some reason it really hurt this time. You know the look – the one that says “Oh poor thing – look at her working out.” It’s embarrassing being the fattest person at the gym. I want to work harder when I’m there and try things but I’m embarrassed of how I’ll look when I do. If I try running on the treadmill, will I look stupid? What if I’m lifting weights and they get too heavy and drop them or something? What if I fall walking across the gym – again? What if I get stuck under a machine while trying to adjust the height on it? Will someone be there to rescue me this time? My heart hurts thinking about being like this for the rest of my life. I don’t want to spend my life fat and worrying about it, thinking about it, dreaming about one day not being fat anymore.

I don’t want to be like this for the rest of my life – fat and unable to do things I want do. Will I ever be at goal? I can’t even imagine what I’ll look like at goal, what it’ll feel like. How do I even know what’s a good goal weight to shoot for?

My prayer today is that I make the right choices and do the right things to achieve this.

28 Days

Let’s just say that I’m glad February was only 28 days long. It started with lots of sweat and even some tears; it ended much better. I worked out harder and tweaked some things with my eating. It was difficult because I was working hard at getting past the level of weight I seemed to be stuck at. The good news is that I lost 4 pounds and some more inches. Thank God for that!!! I’m now working on losing more weight and getting as far away from this plateau as possible.

One Day At A Time

The past week has been good but it sure wasn’t easy. Last Thursday’s training (January 29th) started off with weighing in and measurements. The good news is that I lost – the bad news is that I’m frustrated and wanting to do more than what I am doing. I attribute it to poor choices on my part. The rest of that training was spent talking it all out and even crying a little. For not working out at all, it sure was a tough training!

So this week has been spent doing things different. There have been times this week where it’s been difficult dealing with my eating habits. It’s taken a lot of planning ahead and cooking things ahead of time. And I’ve also been working out more. I’ve realized that I hate the Stairmaster more than I originally thought – but I’ve also realized that the elliptical isn’t so bad when compared to the Stairmaster.

It’s all paying off to. I had training last night and after the warm-up, Jeremy had me hop on the scale just to see where I was at – and I’ve lost 2 pounds this week! When I stepped off that scale, the feeling of excitement I felt was worth every bit of hard work and the tears that shed this week. My next official weigh-in and measurements won’t be until the end of the month and I can’t wait to see where I’ll be then. Until then, I’m taking it day be day and giving my all to make it a great one!