I Really Did It -- I Walked A Marathon!!!

Running to the finish

I really walked a marathon -- the whole 26.2 miles!!!

It was such an exciting moment that I couldn't stop crying.

This weekend I did something… something I never thought I would do or could do. I walked a marathon – the whole 26.2 miles!!! I’ve always thought a marathon is something that thin people or people who are in really great shape do. Because of that, I never even considered this to be something that I can do or would ever be able to finish. It took a little over 12 hours and over 52,400 steps to complete but I did it!!! I never in my life ever thought I would participate in a marathon – and to finish it!!! But I really did it. When I finally finished, I couldn’t stop crying because I was so excited.

I’m so proud of myself for doing this. By setting this goal and sticking with it, I learned a lot of things.
1. I was able to do it.
2. I’m not a quitter.
3. I’m stronger than I thought I was.

To my family – Thank you so much for being there and so supportive of me throughout the day. I still can’t believe you walked the whole marathon also Dad! And Mom, you left the next day for a cruise and still came out and spent the day with me, walking and making sure everyone was well taken care off. You’re so great at that. Mandi, you’re a walking maniac. I couldn’t believe that right before I had the big meltdown, you ran ahead of me to get the Aspercreme and ice bags ready. The last thing I wanted to do was run. Jacque, you also walked with me so much, even walking the really long lap with me. That was like the never-ending lap! Bobby, I was so excited that you came and walked also before going into work. All of you were so supportive and encouraging throughout the day.

To my friends – Thank you for being so supportive and encouraging also. I am amazed at how many came to support me and even walked as much as you did.

Now that I’ve had a few days to rest, let the blisters on my feet heal, and rub away the aches and pain with Aspercreme, I’m ready to do it all over again! Doing this marathon was just what I needed to prove to myself that I’m capable of doing all kinds of things. Next up – running a mile!

Old Limitations No Longer Apply

In his book Believe That You Can, Jentezen Franklin talks about having dreams and seeing them fulfilled. One of my dreams is to accomplish my goal of losing the weight I need to lose and maintaining it. There were many things in the book that I was able to use and apply to this dream. How many times have I wanted to do something and told myself that I couldn’t because of my weight? My weight is a big limitation to me. I felt confined by the limitations that I had placed upon myself. Here are some things that Jentezen says about limitations –

We’ve had limitations imposed on us. We accept them, and we believe them, even when we have long since “outgrown” them. What does this mean to me? Don’t accept the limitations imposed on me. They no longer apply! I must determine to push down those limitations. I’m not the person I used to be and my old limits don’t apply to me anymore.

This really hit me this week when I came across some pictures from December 2004 and January 2005. I’ve looked at these pictures over and over in disbelief. I think that my weight now is higher than it was then – but what a difference in how I look and feel now compared to then. When I look at these, I see someone who’s unhappy and trying to mask it –

I’m not going to reinforce those old limitations anymore because they no longer apply. I’ve still got a long road ahead of me but I’m going for it. I don’t care what history says – I can do this!!! I’m not going to let fears torment me. I’m not going to let failure dominate me. I’m not going to let my mistakes and my past be lord over me. Today I’m taking a stand! It’s time for me to start seeing things in a different way. I’ve circled this mountain long enough; I’m ready to conquer it.

The next goal I’m reaching for is to loose 14 more pounds. That’s all that’s standing between me and my first 50 pounds lost. I’m setting a goal of being there by the first of September. Can’t wait!!!

The Scale...

Last night at the beginning of my training, I got on the scale. I don’t exactly love getting on the scale… hate it would be a better description about how I feel about it. But last night I was so excited about the lower weight shown on the scale that I could have screamed with delight or hugged somebody or something. I was just excited!!! It’s much better feeling than the yo-yo feeling that I have had lately. I’ll reach the weight I’m out now – the lowest I’ve been at the gym – and then gain a few pounds. I’ll get upset with myself and lose those few pounds till I hit my low again – only to gain those pesky pounds back again. And it also feels so much better than getting on and seeing that the weight has gone up... again! So of course now I’m back again at that low weight, I’m determined to work really hard and get past it. It’s an awful feeling to get here only to lose ground – and I don’t want that to happen again. With everything that I’ve got in me, I’m going to work at keep that from happening again. It's great seeing the hard work pay off...

Excited!!!

My latest round of workouts have been hard... very hard! The point of these workouts is to go till I can't go anymore, or I fail at doing what I'm trying to do. The point of this is to prove to myself that I can things I didn't think I could do. And it's working! One day last week, I did 66 sit ups! I just kept sitting up till I couldn't any more. And then I couldn't quit grinning from ear to ear cause I was so excited. By the time I left the gym a few minutes later, I was sore from the sit ups and the rest of the workout and my face sore from smiling so big. WooHoo!!!

Thankful to Still Believe

Believing in myself and knowing that I can do this seems to be a recurring theme for me. I know that it’s possible to lose this weight and I know deep down in me that I can do it. I mean, there are lots of other people who have done this. I should be able to also, right? But then I get overwhelmed and starting doubting. When I look at the big picture, it seems so frightening. Sometimes I feel so full of doubt, questioning if I’ll ever reach my goals. Will I reach my smaller goals along the way? And even bigger than that, will I reach the ultimate goal of losing this weight and keeping it off?

A few days ago I was talking with someone who’s on the other side of this – someone who’s already lost the weight and kept it off. I was crying – again! – and feeling so discouraged. As I sat there listening to this person talk, they person spoke about how I CAN do this and how much they believe in me.

I’m so thankful to have people who believe in me and are rooting me on. Chances are if you’re reading this, you are one of those people. Thank you!

Courage to Start

The miracle isn’t that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start.
John Bingham, running speaker and writer

I ran this weekend! I don’t know how far I went or how long I ran for. It felt like I ran for forever even though it was probably only for a couple of minutes. I was breathing so hard that I was wondering how long it would take me to recover. Whatever the distance or time elapsed was, I know this – it’s the farthest and longest I’ve run in a long time. I don’t even know when the last time was I ran; maybe in grade school or junior high?

Since I joined the gym, I’ve been so afraid of running. Can I run? I know I can’t run fast so is it even worth it? What will I look like when I’m running? I know I’m going to look awful and it’s going to be embarrassing – I hope people won’t be staring at me while I run. The one thing I hate about the gym is the mirrors everywhere. The last thing I want to see is how bad I look while I’m working out. Well, the good news is that the gym was very empty of people when I ran and I ran in the Group X room (where the classes are, except there wasn’t a class going on at the time) and Jeremy and I were the only ones in the Group X room. So the few people who were at the gym were probably not even paying any attention to me. J And even though I didn’t look in the mirrors to see what I looked like while I was running, I know it wasn’t a pretty sight. But I do know this…

…I RAN!

Committed To Reaching My Goals

I’m so tired of this. I HATE being this way – feeling fat, looking fat, working so hard for nothing; thinking about it all the time. the other day at the gym, I got 2 sympathy looks. This isn’t the first time that I’ve got this look, even at the gym, but it for some reason it really hurt this time. You know the look – the one that says “Oh poor thing – look at her working out.” It’s embarrassing being the fattest person at the gym. I want to work harder when I’m there and try things but I’m embarrassed of how I’ll look when I do. If I try running on the treadmill, will I look stupid? What if I’m lifting weights and they get too heavy and drop them or something? What if I fall walking across the gym – again? What if I get stuck under a machine while trying to adjust the height on it? Will someone be there to rescue me this time? My heart hurts thinking about being like this for the rest of my life. I don’t want to spend my life fat and worrying about it, thinking about it, dreaming about one day not being fat anymore.

I don’t want to be like this for the rest of my life – fat and unable to do things I want do. Will I ever be at goal? I can’t even imagine what I’ll look like at goal, what it’ll feel like. How do I even know what’s a good goal weight to shoot for?

My prayer today is that I make the right choices and do the right things to achieve this.

28 Days

Let’s just say that I’m glad February was only 28 days long. It started with lots of sweat and even some tears; it ended much better. I worked out harder and tweaked some things with my eating. It was difficult because I was working hard at getting past the level of weight I seemed to be stuck at. The good news is that I lost 4 pounds and some more inches. Thank God for that!!! I’m now working on losing more weight and getting as far away from this plateau as possible.

One Day At A Time

The past week has been good but it sure wasn’t easy. Last Thursday’s training (January 29th) started off with weighing in and measurements. The good news is that I lost – the bad news is that I’m frustrated and wanting to do more than what I am doing. I attribute it to poor choices on my part. The rest of that training was spent talking it all out and even crying a little. For not working out at all, it sure was a tough training!

So this week has been spent doing things different. There have been times this week where it’s been difficult dealing with my eating habits. It’s taken a lot of planning ahead and cooking things ahead of time. And I’ve also been working out more. I’ve realized that I hate the Stairmaster more than I originally thought – but I’ve also realized that the elliptical isn’t so bad when compared to the Stairmaster.

It’s all paying off to. I had training last night and after the warm-up, Jeremy had me hop on the scale just to see where I was at – and I’ve lost 2 pounds this week! When I stepped off that scale, the feeling of excitement I felt was worth every bit of hard work and the tears that shed this week. My next official weigh-in and measurements won’t be until the end of the month and I can’t wait to see where I’ll be then. Until then, I’m taking it day be day and giving my all to make it a great one!

I Want To Do This!!!

It’s that time again – time to step on the scale and get the measuring tape out. I don’t know how good it’s going to be. I see some differences in myself when I look in the mirror but can’t totally pinpoint what it is that I’m seeing. Will it show on the scale? How about with the measurements? My trainings have been killing me. Have I worked out hard enough on my own?

The biggest improvements I need to make are in my eating habits. Things like making the right choices when I eat and portion control are sometimes really hard. I was watching Biggest Loser this week and Bob said something that I really liked – “You have to workout as hard in the kitchen as you do in the gym.” That means that as hard and as much as I workout in the gym, I also need to work that hard in the kitchen at making the right food choices, eating the right portions, and so much more.

More than anything else right now, I want to make these changes. I’m tired of being fat. I’m tired of not being able to find cute clothes. Tired of looking fat – of feeling fat. I want to be healthy. To be fit. To be skinny.

What will it take for me to achieve my goals? Sometimes I feel so weak and want to give in to some of the old habits. I can’t do that though – not with what I’ve learned and now know. I want to continue making changes for the good. I don’t want to keep talking about this – I want to do it!

Today…

…I’m thankful for the many things that I take for granted. Things like the great family and friends who surround me, the air I breathe, and a God who loves me. My heart is heavy as I remember a friend who has fought a good fight. I don’t even know what to say…

Lord, I pray this holiday season for…

…Help in being a smart eater during the holidays
...Wisdom on making the right choices when it comes to eating and the self-control and determination to stick with those choices
…Plenty of time to workout

This gift of better health that I’m giving myself right now means so much. Thank you God for giving me the tools that I need to do this.

Reasons I Want To Lose Weight

I want to be fit.
I want to be healthy.
I’m tired of looking and feeling fat.
I want to be more confident.
I want to have more energy.
Lower the risk of weight related health problems.
Prove to myself that I can do this.
I want to feel better about myself.
I want to look in the mirror and be happy with what I see.

A Thanksgiving Challenge

This past Thursday (November 20th), I was training with Jeremy and was telling him that I’m worried about the holiday’s coming up and gaining weight. I wanted to make a plan that would help me combat this. So Jeremy gave me a challenge. It’s a two part challenge.

Part 1 of this Thanksgiving challenge is this – I had to lose 1 pound by yesterday (Monday, November 24th). If I lost the pound, then I could continue on to the next part of the challenge. If I didn’t lose the pound, then I lost the challenge.

The good news is that I lost weight. And not only did I lose, I actually lost 3 pounds!!! I was grinning from ear to ear when I left the gym last night. Now I am working on part 2 of this Thanksgiving Challenge.

Part 2 of the Thanksgiving challenge is this – Jeremy and I came up with a plan for how I can eat on Thanksgiving. If I follow this plan and if I lose 1 more pound by my next training on Monday, December 1st, then I win the Thanksgiving Challenge. The exciting thing is that if I do this, I win 2 free training’s with Jeremy!!!

I’m really working hard at doing this. It will be exciting at the next official weigh in to have lost weight and inches. Just as a side note, I think the inches are going to be down a good amount at the next weigh-in. It’s exciting seeing changes on the scale, in the measurements, and in the way my clothes fit.

Over the weekend, I went to an event at the gym. The first part was all about nutrition and not gaining weight over the holidays. I learned some good things about eating smart over the holidays and making wise decisions. One statistic that stuck with me is that the average person gains 5 – 10 pounds over the holidays (from Halloween thru New Year’s). I think they also said that it only takes eating 500 extra calories a day to gain those 5 – 10 pounds.

The second part of this was a boot camp. Even though it was a short boot camp – just 30 minutes – I was very excited about completing my first boot camp. I didn’t really know what to expect. When I think of a boot camp, I think of someone yelling at me to go faster, jump higher, and me feeling like I want to quit because it’s so hard. It was hard but that’s where the similarities end. Maybe other boot camps are that way, but this one wasn’t because my trainer Jeremy led the boot camp and he’s not like that. Just as a side note, I did feel some pressure to do my best because Jeremy was leading the boot camp and I know that he knows what I’m capable and not capable of doing.

I left the gym that day with a renewed anticipation of things to come. Since then, I’ve done a lot of thinking and planning about things that I want to do to reach my weight-loss goals and remembering what those goals are.

Progress

It was hard making myself go into the gym on Monday for training. I know that my session would begin with getting weighed and measured again. Even though I knew that the weight wasn’t going to be what I wanted it to be, I knew that there would be a loss with the measurements – and there was a 4½ inch loss! I’m especially happy because most of that came from the problem area’s I’d been working so hard on the last few weeks. Thanks Jeremy for pushing me to do more! It's been great because I've been wanting to go the the gym and workout rather than having to make myself go. Now I'm motivated to work harder and do even more so that the next time I get to weigh in and do measurements, it will be even better!

Sitting on my desk at work is a treasure – it’s a framed picture of a Heather flower in bloom. But it’s really more than just a picture because of what it means. This personalized gift came from a good friend to serve as a reminder of what my name means and of what I’m capable of doing. It was so exciting to get measured this week and see that all the hard work is paying off!

Never Give Up

The last few days have been exciting for me! Something’s changed and even though I can’t pinpoint exactly what it is, I feel like I’m ready to jump back into this full force again.

Today I was at the gym and doing cardio. As I walked in the gym, I had in hand a plan written out for what I was going to do and a determination to give it a 100% and finish it to the very end. And I did it! Considering that I’ve been having a hard time going in and working out on my own, I’m feeling happy about finishing what I set out to do.

While I was on the elliptical, I was talking with the girl next to me. Like me, she’s working on losing a lot of weight. The difference between the two of us is that she is farther along in the game than I am. We talked about struggles that we’ve encountered and about things that have helped us. As I left the gym, I had an extra pep in my step.

I’m learning a lot about myself through this. I’m learning how to stick with something – even when it’s not easy – and that that I can do this. I’m learning that with the help and encouragement of other people, I can do this. I’ve learned that giving up never solves anything. And most of all, I’m learning that I can do this!

Idea's Anyone?

I’m sitting here at work. My desk is full of things I’m supposed to be working on. Instead, I’m watching the rain fall outside and thinking about all of the things that I’m doing wrong. When it comes to this whole losing weight business, the list of things I’m doing wrong is long. Even though I’m working on changing that, it still seems overwhelming. For awhile it seemed somewhat easy. Now it feels like constantly fighting against myself to do what is right. Even when I know what the right thing to do is, it’s a struggle to do it. I worry about it all the time. If you have any thoughts or ideas that would be helpful, please let me know! Thanks!!!

He Increases Strength

Today, I was reading an e-mail from Joel and Victoria Osteen. It really seems to apply to me right now…

He gives power to the faint and weary, and to him who has no might He increases strength causing it to multiply and making it to abound.
Isaiah 40:29 AMP

Whatever you have need of today, know that God is your source and supply. Do you need strength? God promises that He increases our strength and causes it to multiply. One of the ways God fills us with His strength is by giving us His joy. When we have joy, we have strength to overcome. Joy is a supernatural force that is deposited on the inside of you. As you meditate on the goodness and faithfulness of our God, you won’t be able to help but feel His joy. Like rivers of living water, joy will flow forth from you, refreshing and strengthening you so that you have the power to overcome every obstacle you may be facing. If you feel faint or weary, remember, there’s a harvest of blessing in store for you. Let faith rise in your heart as you meditate on His promises. Let Him fill you with His peace and joy so that you will have an abundance of strength. As you do, you will be empowered to live the life of victory the Lord has in store for you!

Recalculating

Have you used GPS before? It guides you from point A to point B. The best part is that if you make a wrong turn, it recalculates the directions and gets you going in the right direction again.

I’m sitting here today thinking of all the things I’ve been doing wrong lately. Not working out as much… Not pushing as hard when I do workout… Making some bad choices when deciding what to eat… Eating more than I should… The list keeps on going. I need to correct these things I’m doing wrong before it gets any worse. If I don’t, it will only be harder to correct later.

Sometimes doing this is hard. Thankfully, I’ve got wonderful friends and family helping guide me thru this. When I make a wrong turn, they’re there encouraging me to keep going, helping me make the right decisions. Sometimes it’s just an encouraging word, other times it’s an article or something related to what I’m dealing with. So as I recalculate and fix these problems, remember this – I’m thankful to you for the role you’ve played in supporting me as I do this. After all, it’s just weight…

I will admit I’m not totally sure how I’m going to fix some of these things. But I’ll keep recalculating and trying until I figure something out. I think maybe sheer determination is going to have to do for now while I figure something out. One good thing is this past week I was in the gym twice working out on my own. While it wasn’t technically on my own (I took a class both times), it was better than sitting at home, beating myself up for not doing anything. Combined with my 2 trainings, it’s a start…